Hey..Im sorry if i did not updated for like such a loooooooooooong time.I was busy with my schoolwork and I was facing some problems of mine..and im still recovering from it.I saw my last post and now im thinking that...all those words that i said like dont starve yourself if you wanna lose weight and so on..Im actually doing all those methods..And right now..Im still upset even if I reached my weight goal.My weight before was..56kg (this was the heaviest I've ever been) and my current weight right now is ..40kg..I've lost 16kg for 2 months..I know people would say 'Oh my god that's alot of weight' but no one understands that having an eating disorder is really hard..Always thinking about food..always counting calories..always thinking that you're fat when you're really not. I actually developed my ED when I was in Tumblr and I kept seeing skinny girls..etc..Then,I saw one picture that really triggered me to lose weight..I never really cared how i weighed that time but when i saw that picture i became so obsessed with my weight..I was at that dark part of internet where everyone was so addicted to being skinny and having a thigh gap..Soon,I got addicted to it too.I met ana..(this is a secret code and lets pretend that ana is my eating disorder) Ana was really skinny and pretty.I wanted to be just like her.She told me one simple rule to be just like her.Dont eat.I followed her rule.This continued until one day my mom notice that I was not eating lately..She asked me and I lied to her.But she found out and she forced me to eat.Also,one day at school me and my friends were talking about problems then I said that i had a problem..They asked me and I also lied to them and also on that day my teacher was talking to me about my friend ..I really dont know why but Ana was telling me some lies that I couldnt help but breakdown in front of my teacher.It was so embarassing..Okay this is probably going to be a looong post so im just gonna skip all that and tell you guys whats happening to me now..Right now,I guess you could say Im better but Im still struggling with eating and starving myself..Ana is still telling me things..But im fighting it and im also trying to maintain my weight as I might loose more weight and its not going to be good.Im dancing between the thin line between recovery and relapse. Hopefully, one day I will recover fully from this mental sickness. But for now I will keep fighting.I will STAY STRONG.
