oh

I feel like everyone will still be happy even if im gone.I can see that without me they still have other friends and they are much happier without me.I can feel everyone drifting away from me.They just forgot about me.Im basically nothing,My life is such a big waste.

-

Everyday i tell myself that everything is alright.I pretend that im fine so that no one will worry about me,sometimes i even believe it.I try to help other people because i dont know how to help myself.I just want everyone to be happy even if im not happy.I pretend im not hurt and act as if im the happiest person.I just i dont know if i can do it anymore.My depression is coming back.Now im thinking that maybe i never was happy i just got used to acting it that i believed it myself.Im sad.Something really is wrong with me but i dont know what it is.I feel alone all the time.Im scared if tell people my problem they will think im an attention seeker or a drama queen..Im so sick and tired of pretending everythings fine when its not.Eight months of being clean just all went down the drain after 12 cuts.Im so sad.

I dont know

I know i havent blogged for like maybe a year now? Im not sure but im only gonna blog when I feel like it and when i feel like i wanna tell a story or shit.I want to be able to express myself in my own blog cuz it is my blog and i dont give a fuck about what you think.

Maybe its for the best..

So..umm wow I feel weird blogging again.I havent done this in a very looooooong time.Its so weird how much time flies by so fast..I mean my PSLE was just over and now Im going to Secondary School next year which is in about 3 more months..I want to replay things all over again but life is not like that and thats impossible..So many things has happened and I dont even know how to start..Well,let me just start of by saying that my eating disorder is getting umm im recovering and i have to admit sometimes i just want to give up but my family and friends are always here to support me and I coudnt be more happy.I feel stronger and I have this feeling that I can do anything and nothing is gonna bring me down.I just want to be happy.That's all ive wanted ever since.Ok since im talking about what has been happening in my life..Obviously im not gonna write all about it but I am gonna do a short summary so yeah...Well..I just broke up with this amazing guy since im too young and maybe its for the best..I've never felt like this to someone before and it hurts knowing that this is what love can do to people..I know Im too young to know about love and i probably dont know if it really hurts this much or feels like this but all i know that love is such a powerful thing..It can either be the best feeling or the worse feeling you can ever imagine..Im only 13 and i just wanna live my life and not worry about these problems..He was actually very understanding he told me that whatever happens he would still be there waiting for me..I feel like he deserves someone better since I feel like Im gonna just break his heart again..But anyways..Im too lazy to type out other things so this ia all you're getting ahahaha sorry.

                                                                                                                               

relapse or recovery...?

Hey..Im sorry if i did not updated for like such a loooooooooooong time.I was busy with my schoolwork and I was facing some problems of mine..and im still recovering from it.I saw my last post and now im thinking that...all those words that i said like dont starve yourself if you wanna lose weight and so on..Im actually doing all those methods..And right now..Im still upset even if I reached my weight goal.My weight before was..56kg (this was the heaviest I've ever been) and my current weight right now is ..40kg..I've lost 16kg for 2 months..I know people would say 'Oh my god that's alot of weight' but no one understands that having an eating disorder is really hard..Always thinking about food..always counting calories..always thinking that you're fat when you're really not. I actually developed my ED when I was in Tumblr and I kept seeing skinny girls..etc..Then,I saw one picture that really triggered me to lose weight..I never really cared how i weighed that time but when i saw that picture i became so obsessed with my weight..I was at that dark part of internet where everyone was so addicted to being skinny and having a thigh gap..Soon,I got addicted to it too.I met ana..(this is a secret code and lets pretend that ana is my eating disorder) Ana was really skinny and pretty.I wanted to be just like her.She told me one simple rule to be just like her.Dont eat.I followed her rule.This continued until one day my mom notice that I was not eating lately..She asked me and I lied to her.But she found out and she forced me to eat.Also,one day at school me and my friends were talking about problems then I said that i had a problem..They asked me and I also lied to them and also on that day my teacher was talking to me about my friend ..I really dont know why but Ana was telling me some lies that I couldnt help but breakdown in front of my teacher.It was so embarassing..Okay this is probably going to be a looong post so im just gonna skip all that and tell you guys whats happening to me now..Right now,I guess you could say Im better but Im still struggling with eating and starving myself..Ana is still telling me things..But im fighting it and im also trying to maintain my weight as I might loose more weight and its not going to be good.Im dancing between the thin line between recovery and relapse. Hopefully, one day I will recover fully from this mental sickness. But for now I will keep fighting.I will STAY STRONG.
                                                                             

Self Esteem

Hi guys! Im back and I know I've been gone for a looooooooooooong time and Im really sorry.But Im here to talk to you guys about Self Esteem. I think that's one of the biggest problem to teenagers (including myself).So,recently so many teenagers are always looking down on themselves because they dont feel good enough or they're not happy with themselves.Im going to be honest and tell you guys that I have a seriously low self esteem and all the time I feel like Im not smart enough.not pretty enough,not this and that..There are a lot of cases of causing low self esteem and some examples are..
                                                                      1) Bullying
                             I have been bullied but not that serious just a few little nasty comments but it still hurts.Some bullying that I have heard are way worser than mine.I really dont get why the other person had to do that like seriously if you're feeling miserable,dont go around and make people feel the same way as you.I really feel sorry for the people who had been bullied severely.Like,some of them committed suicide.

                                          
                                               2) Self  Distorted Body Image
                            Self Distorted Body Image are always common to girls.Some girls they always feel like their not good enough.Like,they dont feel thin enough because maybe someone told them they're fat when they're perfectly fine.So,basically it's called "Anorexia".I feel like in this generation so many girls are suffering from Anorexia or Bulimia.I will admit that I also have a distorted body image that I am trying to lose weight and that sometimes I skip 2-3 meals a day and exercise like crazy.I know that it's wrong that Im doing this and that is why Im trying (I really am) to lose weight the healthy way.The feeling is like when you're looking in the mirror and all you see is this...

    

So,basically.....

  

I dont want to end up like that girl from the picture above so to all the girls out there who thinks skipping meals or not eating at all will make you thinner..Please stop doing that Anorexia is one of the deadliest symptoms..1 out of 6 anorexic die.If you want to be slimmer do it the healthy way. 

If you are suffering from Anorexia or Bullying. Please tell someone..Trust me it will help you..And always remember that you are Unique,Special and Loved. Never forget that! :) 

NEVER CHANGE WHO YOU ARE FOR SOMEONE! 

Byeeee!! guys PEACE! :) 

                      -Love,Carina

Last post.HIATUS.

Hey..My Lovely Bears! Im sorry if i did not update for the past few months...There's alot of reasons why but im just going to make this post short because Im going on a hiatus.I dont know for how long..IM SORRY.BYE.I hope I can update soon but im just really busy this year so this is going to be my last post for awhile..But dont worry i will TRY to update but for now its goodbye..I'll miss you my lovely bears..GOODBYE FOR NOW.

November Favorites!

Okay,I know im already late for doing my November Favorites but im still going to do it cuz its mahh blog.
My favorite nail polish of this month is my metallic silver nail polish.I just love that color and yeah i love metallic.My favorite face wash is called the "Belo Essential".I love love that product because it has really helped my face with all of my pimples which I dont have anymore thanks to that product.My favorite clothing  is my black jeggings.I love my jeggings,it is so comfortable and cute! Favorite app is called the "Subway Surfers".My 3 favorite songs of the month is "RIP" by Rita Ora,"Diamonds" by Rihanna and the last one is "Last First Kiss" by One Direction. So yeah,That's all of it..BYEE! PEACE!

Those times...

Wasssssssupppppp my lovely bears!! Nothing really much happened the past few weeks..Im always at home but when its weekend I always go out to go shopping or go to church.So,yeah that pretty much is my life right now without school..I dont know why but when there's no more school I wish there is still..But when it's school time I dont want to go to school..Is it just me who feels that way? yes.OK.Oh yeah,on my previous post I told you guys that I will show a pic of me with my shorter bangs/fringe.
Yupp so that's me..I look so emo but whatevahh.
Ohh and I have tumblr and if you have please follow me..I'll follow back and here's my tumblr .Im gonna be posting more so stay tuned.
                           

Back To Bangs

Hey hey! The tittle says it all and yes Im back to having bangs again! I dont know why but I felt like having bangs again so there you go Im back to bangs.When I told my mom I wanted to have bangs again she told me to tell the my hairdresser to cut the ends of my hair about 2-3 inches and I was like NOOOOO!!!! but I did agree and now my hair is not that long anymore but it's okay cuz now my hair feels more lighter.I dont have a photo of myself with my bangs but I'll just put my photo in my next post IF I take the photo..I dont why but somehow I hate taking pictures nowadays..Im way too lazy too do it..To end this post here's a video of this amazing girl named "France Wood" Omg guys..I love her! and her voice :) She actually auditioned for The Voice,she got in but in the end she did not won so what a loss..But anyways here's the video and also the song is my new favorite right now.The song is originally performed by the amazing Rita Ora.